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Posts Tagged ‘joke’

This is laugh-out-loud hilarious… Couldn’t help but re-post it!!

39 Test Answers That Are 100% Wrong But Totally Genius At The Same Time | Distractify.

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I love this ad… 🙂

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I love it. 🙂

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This is really cute and actually pretty close to the truth (well, except Santa’s House 🙂 we all know he lives in the North Pole). Got a good chuckle out of it 🙂

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The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …

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Funny moment at the dry cleaners last weekend.

My husband brought a batch of pants and a few shirts to our usual dry cleaners.  It’s a family shop owned and operated by a sweet middle-aged asian couple. My husband was taken aback when the lady was sorting through the clothes and asked “old man’s pants”? After a few moments of confusion (and surprise), he finally understood that the lady was asking him if they were ALL man’s pants, not OLD man’s pants.

Hehehehe

I nearly died of laughter when he told me.

And of course, I called him “old man” for a few days afterwards. 🙂 Gotta get those jibes in when I can.

(not my husband)

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Mmmm Pie!

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From us (“the wishor”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”) Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all …
and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:
  • This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
  • This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
  • This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
  • This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  • This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
  • The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  • Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third-party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

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Been a while.

Yes, I’m a slacker…Deal with it.  Here you go:

All from Bart via FB:

I’m not a schizophrenic. Neither am I.

Disney Rule #1: Children under the age of 12 must be accompanied by money.

Quietest Place on Earth… The Ninja Library.

Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one has insurance. Don’t kill him.”

 

True words spoken by my niece Sienna after a skating lesson:

Tomorrow after skating we will wait to see the Tromboni.  🙂

 

From Warren via FB:

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