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Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

Nothing like some funny autocorrect to spread some holiday giggles.

http://likeandshare.blogspot.com/2011/12/15-funniest-autocorrects-from-november.html

 

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Lots and lots of cutesy holiday themed jokes make the rounds at this time of year. Here’s one I hadn’t seen before:

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Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.

I think my smart phone is broken…. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work.

All from Bart via FB Bart..you’re a funny guy. 🙂

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Lots to choose from this week!

I can’t undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted. ~ Bart via FB

I ordered a self help tape called “How to handle disappointment” but when the package came, the box was empty. ~ Bart via FB

Why waste our time trying to find intelligent life on Mars when we can’t even find any on Earth. ~ Helen via FB

Being single means not having to share your bandwidth. ~ Katherine via FB

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“Same shit, different day”. Would someone who shovels shit for a living say “different shit, different day”? ~Jimbo via FB

The bar was closed when I got there with a sign that said, “The door is alarmed.” I said to myself, “How do you think I feel?” ~Bart via FB

 

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It was a big week for fun Facebook statuses. Must be due to all the Canada Day and 4th of July beer and shenanigans wholesome festivities.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever. ~Helen via FB

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. ~Helen via FB

TIP OF THE DAY: Struggling to do your exercise??? Do it early in the morning, before your brain figures out what the hell is going on!!! ~Julie via FB

I have a love/hate relationship with mood swings. ~Bart via FB

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off of it. ~Bart via FB

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I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

🙂

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