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Posts Tagged ‘one liners’

Been a while.

Yes, I’m a slacker…Deal with it.  Here you go:

All from Bart via FB:

I’m not a schizophrenic. Neither am I.

Disney Rule #1: Children under the age of 12 must be accompanied by money.

Quietest Place on Earth… The Ninja Library.

Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one has insurance. Don’t kill him.”

 

True words spoken by my niece Sienna after a skating lesson:

Tomorrow after skating we will wait to see the Tromboni.  🙂

 

From Warren via FB:

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. ~Warren via FB

Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat. ~Bart via FB

Nevermind a man… A good pillow is hard to find. ~Helen via FB

 

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Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.

I think my smart phone is broken…. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work.

All from Bart via FB Bart..you’re a funny guy. 🙂

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Lots to choose from this week!

I can’t undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted. ~ Bart via FB

I ordered a self help tape called “How to handle disappointment” but when the package came, the box was empty. ~ Bart via FB

Why waste our time trying to find intelligent life on Mars when we can’t even find any on Earth. ~ Helen via FB

Being single means not having to share your bandwidth. ~ Katherine via FB

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The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist. ~ Bart via FB

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“Same shit, different day”. Would someone who shovels shit for a living say “different shit, different day”? ~Jimbo via FB

The bar was closed when I got there with a sign that said, “The door is alarmed.” I said to myself, “How do you think I feel?” ~Bart via FB

 

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I missed the Monday one liner post! Here you go – thanks to Bart via FB:

If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we’d find them in about 15 minutes.

🙂

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