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Posts Tagged ‘one liners’

Been a while.

Yes, I’m a slacker…Deal with it.  Here you go:

All from Bart via FB:

I’m not a schizophrenic. Neither am I.

Disney Rule #1: Children under the age of 12 must be accompanied by money.

Quietest Place on Earth… The Ninja Library.

Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one has insurance. Don’t kill him.”

 

True words spoken by my niece Sienna after a skating lesson:

Tomorrow after skating we will wait to see the Tromboni.  🙂

 

From Warren via FB:

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. ~Warren via FB

Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat. ~Bart via FB

Nevermind a man… A good pillow is hard to find. ~Helen via FB

 

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Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.

I think my smart phone is broken…. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work.

All from Bart via FB Bart..you’re a funny guy. 🙂

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Lots to choose from this week!

I can’t undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted. ~ Bart via FB

I ordered a self help tape called “How to handle disappointment” but when the package came, the box was empty. ~ Bart via FB

Why waste our time trying to find intelligent life on Mars when we can’t even find any on Earth. ~ Helen via FB

Being single means not having to share your bandwidth. ~ Katherine via FB

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The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist. ~ Bart via FB

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“Same shit, different day”. Would someone who shovels shit for a living say “different shit, different day”? ~Jimbo via FB

The bar was closed when I got there with a sign that said, “The door is alarmed.” I said to myself, “How do you think I feel?” ~Bart via FB

 

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I missed the Monday one liner post! Here you go – thanks to Bart via FB:

If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we’d find them in about 15 minutes.

🙂

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It was a big week for fun Facebook statuses. Must be due to all the Canada Day and 4th of July beer and shenanigans wholesome festivities.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever. ~Helen via FB

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. ~Helen via FB

TIP OF THE DAY: Struggling to do your exercise??? Do it early in the morning, before your brain figures out what the hell is going on!!! ~Julie via FB

I have a love/hate relationship with mood swings. ~Bart via FB

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off of it. ~Bart via FB

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I’ve got three for you this week (all from Bart via FB):

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters.

Say no to drugs. Although if you’re talking to drugs, you may already be on drugs.

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I feel really immature when I giggle at headlines like “Boehner wants Weiner to go.”  ~Angie via FB (via a friend).

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