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Posts Tagged ‘random’

Sh*t Chris Says

My husband and I were out of town attending a team meeting, just an overnight stay at a ski resort a couple of hours north of where we live. When we arrived, I realized that I had forgotten my hairbrush at home. Ack! The shop on-site was closed and would only open at 10am the following morning – which wasn’t practical since our meeting started at 9am. Ever the resourceful one, I borrowed a (clean) fork from the dinner buffet thinking it was better than nothing.

The following morning I used the fork to slowly, but surprisingly effectively, “comb” my hair into some semblance of a hairdo. I came away from the bathroom mirror feeling pretty happy with the results.

Chris looks at me and says: “What the fork happened to your hair?”

This is what I live with people…. 🙂

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Sh*t Chris Says

Chris PVR’ed the movie “Son of God” recently and on our way home from watching “The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies” on New Year’s Eve, we were discussing what to do to stay awake until the countdown. Although not my cup of tea, I suggested watching “Son of God”.

Me: Why don’t we watch Son of God? That would end just before midnight.

Chris: Ya, maybe.

Me: Is there anyone we know in it? (I asked in case a known actor I liked was in it, which would help with the topic – in my case anyway)

Chris: Ummm, Jesus?

*giggles all around*

We watched Seacrest instead. 🙂 He really is the new Dick Clark.

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Sh*t Chris Says

It all started with Chris giggling at something he was reading on his iPad during dinner. He tilted his iPad to show me and it was this:

EarthClean

Me (thinking of the shame of telling people on what planet you live on if humans ever left Earth):  We’ll never colonize Uranus.

Chris: Of course not, it’s a gas giant.

 

Bahahahahhaaaaaa

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When did THAT happen?

Thursday morning, I drove to the train station as usual. I parked the car and made my way to the train platform. It was like any other morning: The sun had come up a little while ago and it was promising to be a warm day, one of the first warm days of spring. I was surrounded by fellow commuters, similarly dressed in suits and other office attire, huddling on the platform, waiting for the train.

Then, something unusual happened.

The door that separated the platform from the stairwell leading to the underground tunnel opened and out came a group of teenagers. They stood in a group on the platform and were talking excitedly amongst each other. Loudly. The boys were dressed in ill-fitting suits; the girls in blouses and skirts. You could tell that all of them felt awkward in their clothes but were excited to be going somewhere that required them to dress up like grown ups but with no grown ups in sight.

Everyone else on the platform were sneaking glances in their direction. Their usually peaceful morning was being disrupted! Initially, I found myself doing the same thing – what is usually a quiet, polite silence on the train platform was being disturbed by a flock of young people who clearly lacked any consideration for their fellow travelers. Then I stopped and thought – When did THAT happen?? I remember being one of those teens, without a care in the world, living in the moment, not noticing how loud we were being. And I wondered…at what point does one change from being young and carefree to being prickly and so easily bothered? I’m not quite sure.

As I continued to listen to the excited voices, I smiled to myself.

TrainStation

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Sh*t Chris Says

We were having dinner and watching ET, an entertainment show, and they showed the Oscar nominees. After going through that list, they started talking about the list the celebs wouldn’t want to be on and Joan Rivers comes on-screen to talk about the worst dressed list.

So Chris says: Ugh, she’s such a feminazi.

Val: A what?

Chris: A feminazi

Val: What’s that?

Chris: A woman who hates men

Omg…

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There are some brilliant things on here…!!!

18 Everyday Products You’ve Been Using Wrong.

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epic1

The term “epic” has been used for years by those in the gaming world. At least in the sense I refer to in this post. It was used to describe something absolutely above and beyond imagination, like epic battles, epic weapons or gear… If it was epic, it was (GASP) PHENOMENAL (GASP). You get the picture.

But lately we’ve seen it crop up in everyday conversations – everywhere. We’re hearing it being used by celebrities, we hear it in advertising, even the muggles are using it. “Epic” is being used to describe shoes, food, movies, songs, hairdo’s, everything trivial under the sun. Things that were never described as “epic” before because if something is truly epic, it’s above and beyond a mere shoe or a song.

“Epic” is no longer exclusive and has become mainstream. And as soon as that happened, it stopped being cool.

It’s weird to hear something being called “epic” by people who have no idea how or where the term has been used to date…  And it’s said with glee and a “How cool am I” attitude. Like toddlers using big words they don’t understand, “epic” is being casually tossed around by those who aren’t equipped to handle its meaning or grasp its proper usage. So what we hear is “Check out my epic phone dude” and “Our date was epic”. Sigh.

As such, “epic” can no longer be used by the exclusive group from whence it came.

We need a new word.

But please – this time, don’t tell the muggles.

Interesting info found at Urban Dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=epic

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So I’m a Robot…

Funny thing happened on the train home today.

Sigh.

Picture it – me, minding my own business, reading my Kindle seated in an aisle seat as follows:

There was a guy seated across from me diagonally in the window seat, concentrating on his smartphone. Then, a guy comes in and sits down in front of me. The smell of onions wafts over to me. Whatever – I just ignore and keep reading. The guy in front of is in light jeans and a black nylon jacket and sits with legs spread waaay wider than they need to be. (what’s up with that anyway…that’s a whole other blog post). He had put his gym bag on the floor beside him, in the aisle but still leaving enough room for people to pass by if they step carefully.

Next comes a woman who pauses next to our row and says softly “Excuse me” – I automatically swivel out to let her pass as soon as she paused knowing she wanted the empty seat next to me. Note that I was the one who moved to let her through. As she sits down, the guy in front of me says “Excuse me. Thank you.” implying that she didn’t and that she was rude. She simply said, very nicely, “I said excuse me” and sat down, then started reading her magazine.  I just ignored everything and kept reading. I like my time on the train and like my bubble. Not much bothers me on the train.

As the train left Union station, the guy got fidgety, looking around, reaching into his bag for his phone, putting it back… Adjusting his legs from wide to wider… We passed one stop. Then someone walked down the aisle past our row and accidentally knocked the guy’s gym bag, said “Sorry!” and continued walking to the back of the train. The guy looked behind him to get a good look at the one who knocked his bag, then got fidgety again and finally picked up his bag to put it on his lap. I just kept reading.

Next stop comes, which is his stop, and as he gets up, he leans his bag on my knees for 2 seconds, then gets up and says with a bit of a slur/mumble: “Are you for real? You’re like a robot!” I just looked at him, took a couple of seconds to decode what he actually said then went back to my Kindle without giving him a second look. He then got off the train.

Wow – looks like this guy really wanted MY attention for some reason. Guess he’s not used to being ignored. *snicker* 🙂

What I should have said was: “Do you see this space?” and indicate the round circle round me. “This is my space. Unless I invite you in, you’re not welcome. Shoo.”

I’ve been called a robot before for other reasons. My husband calls me fembot because of my epic skills at Jeopardy, Wheels of Fortune and my excellent memory. But because I ignored someone desperately vying for my attention in an unattractive and unpleasant manner?  That’s new.

I would have opted for “one with discerning taste” myself. 🙂

Seriously, the caveman antics got old about 20 years ago.

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I saw a commercial on TV this morning and it really showed how times have changed since I was a kid.

It was a commercial for Fibre 1 cereal. It starts with the parents sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast when the mom suddenly realizes she forgot to buy their son’s favourite cereal during her grocery trip. OMG!!!! She’s really stressed over it.

Then the son (who’s like 8-9) enters the kitchen and asks what’s for breakfast. The dad picks up the box of Fibre 1 cereal, hides the “Fi” on the box and tells him to try the new “Number 1” cereal, trying to make it sound cool.

The mom is cringing in fear in case the son doesn’t like it.

Turns out, the kids says it’s pretty good.

Mom looks surprised yet relieved. Crisis averted!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

Jeez – that kid is running that house. In my day, we were told “This is what we’re having for breakfast.” And if we didn’t like it, too bad – we could wait til lunch and take our chances that it was something we liked. And if it wasn’t, well, there was always dinner. 🙂

I don’t get it – yet it seems like a growing trend. Why are parents afraid to run their household? What’s the worst that can happen? The child eats something that he doesn’t particularly love? Suffers a twinge of discomfort?

There are starving people all over the world but little Tommy can’t eat *that* cereal because it’s not his favourite? Wow. So that’s where the sense of entitlement comes from with kids today…

Don’t even get me started on parents making a different meal for every child in the house.

Ok, venting over. 🙂

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Spiders are the enemy

I’m such a cliché. A girl who’s afraid of spiders. On my life list, I have this as a fear I must conquer in my lifetime. To date, I’ve been taking the bull by the horns (or the spider by the leg, really, one out of 8 – that’s good odds) and forcing myself to face my fear. I’ve only been doing what I can, which is killing the ones I see inside my house, and that sounds very morbid. I don’t see myself letting one crawl around on my hand to try to instill a special bond. So I’m at a standstill on conquering this fear. Your ideas are welcome.

I went into the garage on the weekend and saw something scurry down the wall and out of sight, yes, it freaked me out. It wasn’t the usual spider found in the house (which are a golden colour and non-threatening-looking). The garage spider was very dark, almost black, and bigger. I asked my husband “Did you see that?” He said yes, and with his usual calm-Val-down logic, explained that he wants it to be in the garage. “It’ll kill other bugs. He won’t get into the house since he has lots of food out here. Think of him as the Gatekeeper. It’s a good thing.”

The Gatekeeper.

I like that.

And yet…A spider is protecting me from other bugs.

In the back of my mind, the Gatekeeper is killing off the competition so his family and friends can live a cosy life inside the house.

Next time I see the Gatekeeper, there’s gonna be a showdown.

 

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